“Life is short. It is up to you to make it sweet.” This quote from Sarah Louise Delany showed up on my meditation app a few days ago. How true it is. Yet, we constantly sabotage with worry and fear, wanting to be somewhere other than where we are, doing something else. We chase happiness, but what are we chasing? Scrolling through social media, we see other people having all the fun and living the lives we wish we had. We forget our lives look like that, too, if we pay attention. Often, what we call “happiness” is simply chasing pleasure. 

We, humans, are designed for survival. Our worries, fears, and insecurities often stem from our life’s traumas, biology, something else, or a combination of all. Daily I talk to friends and acquaintances about these things. People who know me or follow me on social media and see the things I share seek me out, looking for help in their most painful moments. 

This meditation prompt inspired me to write down some of the things I’ve learned that hopefully can help someone else. I now know we can change the script and learn to make our life sweet, no matter our circumstances.

What is Happiness?

We are taught to chase happiness. Our society and culture teach us from a young age we are not enough. But if we just spend money to be thinner, prettier, fitter, take that trip, buy this gadget, car, house, etc., then we’ll be happy. Alternatively, if we work hard enough and make lots of money, people will think we’re important, and we’ll be satisfied.

In my experience, people who push to extremes in anything, whether it’s deemed acceptable by society or not (ultra running/hunting/mountain climbing, etc. vs. substances vs. over-working, etc.), are running from themselves. And it’s done in the name of chasing happiness. Now, I’m not saying any of those things (and countless others) are inherently wrong in and of themselves. All I’m saying is taking anything to extremes is often indicative of more profound unhappiness.

I’d imagine that hasn’t worked out well for most of us, at least in finding this so-called “happiness.” I firmly believe that moderation is the key to a sweet life. 

When we seek happiness, what we really want is peace. Contentment. To feel that deep feeling of satisfaction and knowing that everything is okay. Things will all work out how they’re supposed to. I hope we’ve all experienced this, but it’s often fleeting. However, I have learned it is possible to make this a more frequent occurrence. 

What is getting in the way of peace?

There are lots of things that can get in the way of peace and contentment. So often, we live on autopilot and don’t even understand what is causing our discontent. 

Fear and Worry

Fear and worry sap peace and contentment. These things creep up when I let my mind run free, unharnessed, and unhinged. I think about different scenarios, creating problems in my head that will probably never come to pass. 

I remember one Christmas, my family was trying to plan where we were going to get together, who was going to travel, and all the other details. We were several weeks out from December 25 of that year when my mom started planning for the FOLLOWING Christmas! I come by it honestly, trying to plan too far into the future and for every possible scenario. But, even I was able to say, “let’s just focus on this year first.” In this instance, the need to control so far into the future is a coping mechanism for fear and worry, often providing an illusion of control.

When we act in fear, we often try to solve our problems RIGHT NOW. We jump to conclusions and try to find quick fixes and fast solutions. However, if we can slow ourselves down and create some space, we can begin to act instead of react. Ultimately, this creates fewer headaches and heartaches and contributes to that “sweet life.” 

What Ifs and Should Haves

Recently my dad said, “we can’t live in the “what if’s” and “should haves.” Since then, I’ve reminded myself of this almost daily. Our life is happening right now. There are many cliches around this concept, but there is a reason. The past is gone. We’ve made our mistakes, rectified them, learned from them, and moved on. We cannot change what has already happened. I repeat, WE CANNOT CHANGE WHAT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED. So we must figure out how to deal with our circumstances and move on. 

Alternatively, we also cannot live in the future. We don’t know what will happen next, whether one minute, hour, day, week, month or a year from now. WE DON’T KNOW. We can make all the plans in the world, worry ourselves to death, and come up with every possible scenario in our heads, but all we are doing is creating stress. Our nervous systems are constantly elevated, and we resort to various coping mechanisms to survive. 

Instead, we can learn to do the next indicated thing and stay present.

We Fear Pain

We seek pleasure yet avoid pain at all costs. Many of us, especially men, have been taught that feelings are “bad,” which couldn’t be further from the truth. To live a complete, sweet life, we must experience emotions on all ends of the spectrum.

Remember, nothing lasts forever. No pain lasts forever. No pleasure lasts forever. So, the key is learning to sit in those emotions, embrace them, welcome them, and know they will eventually dissipate. 

We are not going to die from our sadness or pain. Sure, it may feel like it at times. I have experienced a lot of pain and heartache in my life. I’ve had moments of screaming into my pillow, punching my bed, and running on the treadmill as fast as I can until I collapse on the ground in tears. But you know what? Every time I survived, and the pain passed. 

If you take this approach to pain, you also learn to take it with pleasure. You know that pleasure doesn’t last forever, so remember to embrace it while it’s there. Savor the moment, breathe the air, enjoy the people around you, the sunset, the joy. Whatever the moment of pleasure may be, know that it isn’t permanent and appreciate it when it’s there. 

How do you make life sweet?

I’ve worked hard over the past few years to heal my internal wounds and traumas, strengthen my emotional intelligence, and lead a sweeter life. I’m not saying I’ve got it down; we will always be a work in progress. But having tools in my toolbox is essential, and I guarantee these things will also make a difference in your life. 

Meditation

The cornerstone of everything else I talk about is meditation. Because I learned to meditate, I became aware of my thoughts as they occur and can act instead of react. I used to think meditation had to be scheduled into my day and meant making my mind completely clear and free of all thoughts.

That couldn’t be further from the truth. Once I learned what meditation was, it suddenly became accessible. There were a few key things I learned that changed my life.

First, someone told me to do it for one to two minutes whenever and wherever I could. I didn’t need to schedule it into my day with everything else or do it for long periods. When I had a spare minute, it was okay to sit in silence and watch my thoughts go by.

Second, I learned meditation is not about stopping our thoughts; it’s about witnessing them. Like watching cars go by. Watch the thought go by, and let it go. Then bring your mind back to whatever you’re focusing on, whether it’s your breath, a word, music, or a guided meditation. My favorite meditation app is Insight Timer. 

I typically meditate for 10-15 minutes every day. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less, but it helps me be able to witness my thoughts as I go about my life. Then, I can think through what I’m dealing with and act instead of reacting. 

Presence

About two years ago, I came across Eckhart Tolle and “The Power of Now.” I then came across podcasts of him and Oprah and listened extensively. I learned from immersing myself in his teachings that the key to peace is remaining in the present. He says we can leave the present to deal with what we need to do to move forward, and then we bring ourselves back to NOW. And we keep reminding ourselves to do this, and it gets easier with time and practice.

I can’t tell you how often I have done this when I’m out in the summer, away from home, working long days. Dealing with stressful situations, I’ll be walking across a parking lot or looking out a window. I stop and bring myself back to the present. To RIGHT NOW. Interestingly enough, it’s those moments I look back and remember so vividly. 

It’s not about perfection. I don’t go about my day constantly living in the present. I’m human, so fear, worry, and other unpleasant emotions creep in. However, because I meditate and witness my thoughts, I catch my mind taking off and have learned to bring myself back to the present (most of the time).

Mindfulness

Another thing that helps immensely with presence is practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness can be a form of meditation, but it doesn’t have to be. For me, it’s immersing myself fully into whatever I’m doing, paying attention to all my senses, and being completely present. 

A great way to practice is when I’m doing things I don’t necessarily want to do, like folding laundry or doing the dishes. Instead of dreading or avoiding it or wanting to get it over with, I stop and slow down. I carefully wash each dish or fold each piece of clothing. I use all my senses. I feel the fabric or water on my hands, smell the soap or fresh laundry, and listen to the water running. By practicing this in all I do, I’ve come to enjoy the things I once disliked, and there are rarely, if any, tasks that feel insurmountable. 

Gratitude

I know we hear about gratitude a lot. First, it shouldn’t be confused with positivity, especially toxic positivity. We can’t live “in light and love and positive thoughts” all the time. But we can be grateful. Gratitude is simply taking time to appreciate things in your life. It can be done even when things don’t feel great or so “positive.” What you are grateful for can be big or small; some days, it may be easier than others. It may be as simple as being thankful for a warm bed, a good meal, your pet, or anything else in your life. You can express gratitude for bigger things as well.

The cool thing about gratitude is that it releases dopamine, the reward chemical, which can help produce feelings of accomplishment, excitement, and reward. 

Journaling

Journaling has been immensely helpful in getting my thoughts out of my head and on paper. It helps me sort through things and even rewires my brain. Rewire the brain? Yes. Repeatedly writing affirmations and other things I didn’t initially believe, my brain eventually rewired to believe them. These were things like “I love myself and am worthy of respect and love” or “I’m good at my job, and I know what I’m doing.” 

I now follow my meditation with journaling. Now, it’s less about rewiring my brain than sorting out my thoughts and figuring out why I feel the way I do. It helps give me clarity and a path forward and helps me act instead of react.

Other Tools

Sometimes we need some tools to get through a tough spot. We need things that help us feel better or even survive (remember, “this too shall pass.”). Some of those tools for me include:

• Movement: This can be intense exercise, stretching, dancing, hiking, or whatever you enjoy. Activity increases serotonin, one of the feel-good hormones in our bodies.
• Creativity: Sometimes, we must create to take our minds off things. It’s good for our brains and can help us immerse in something other than our thoughts. It may be art, music, writing, and many other things. Creativity is essential to leading a sweet life. 
• Reading: If you’re not into reading, skip this one. However, it can also take your mind off things. You may learn something new or immerse yourself in a fictional story. Either way, it’s another tool, and many excellent books discuss everything I’ve mentioned.  

Trust Yourself

Something I picked up in the last year or so that I’ve applied to many aspects of my life is this: whatever arises, I’ll be able to handle it. I don’t have to worry about if someone lies to me, cheats on me, steals from me, or otherwise negatively impacts me. Alternatively, I don’t have to worry about scenarios not playing out the way I want, like not getting that house, job, car, or person. All I have to be confident in is I will be able to handle it, no matter what happens. This comes from deep self-love and self-trust. After all, when in my life have I ever not been able to handle something, even in my most painful and emotional moments?

Trusting myself became much easier when I began putting all the other things in place. Rather than fear pain or an undesirable outcome, I can trust I’ll handle whatever happens. It also comes easier when I’m living in the moment. I know I’ve survived pain and difficulties before; why wouldn’t I survive them again? With this mindset, I don’t have to worry about all potential “negative” outcomes. I can just be. 

The Sweet Life

As I let my worries and fears go and trust I can handle whatever comes up, I am free to enjoy the sweet life. To let go and trust that all is okay.

I can express gratitude for things in my life, even if life feels shitty. And I know the shitty feeling will eventually pass. Alternatively, I can also fully appreciate when things feel good.

Sunsets and sunrises are a little sweeter and more colorful. The smell of the earth invades your senses a little deeper. Rain on your face awakens your senses. The breeze blowing in your face can be embraced and enjoyed.

The more you practice, the easier it gets to remember to do these things. Pretty soon, even on the roughest days, you’ll be able to find some sweetness. And that, to me, is how I make my life sweet. 

Check out Survive Winter: Learn to Embrace It for more inspiration.

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